What if all of those fighty early-parenting debates-breast feeding versus formula, baby-led weaning versus purées, the exact month your child learned to take his first steps-fairly much didn’t matter after your child made it to the school entrance? That’s what Florida pediatrician and mother of four Dr. Meghan Martin wrote in a viral Instagram reel after her 11th consecutive drop-off on the first day of school. “Whether they were fed breast milk or formula has never once come up,” she said. “No one has ever asked what age they were potty trained or when they took their first steps or said their first word.”
Martin does not attempt to belittle these early milestones, but rather to remind the parents out there that this long game actually is less about intellectual readiness, and more about connection and confidence in functional readiness. As she told Newsweek: “Being a new parent is stressful and there are so many things that we worry about… but I want to reassure parents that kids are resilient and whatever you decide is best for them, they’re gonna be great.”
So what does matter when kids start school? Emotional security, good listening and basic independence are Martin’s big three. Teachers, she notes care far more about whether a child can take care of the bathroom by herself-unbuttoning the drawers, wiping, washing her hands-than with what age she was trained. Being able to follow two-step directions, and sit and listen for short periods of time, is another doozy. These are the instruments that make classrooms hum, and help kids feel safe navigating their day.
One of her best prep tips? Read to your kid each night. The dividends extend way beyond reading. Shared reading generates vocabulary, fortifies the relationship between parent and child, and, doctors say, bolsters social-emotional development by providing a comfortable, safe space. As Dr. Leora Mogilner says, “Establishing a bedtime routine that includes reading books and telling stories is a wonderful way to promote parent-child bonding while helping develop children’s literacy, language, and social-emotional skills.” Even big kids can benefit, Martin says, unless they happen to be anti-reading. He proposes reading the same book independently and reading it aloud.
Another potent, underappreciated mechanism is modeling good behavior. “Kids tend to mimic what they hear, so hearing parents say positive things about themselves and others will help kids learn to do the same,” Martin reports. Again, this is identical with what scholars in relational health have learned to call “reflective functioning”-that is, how parents can listen to and react to a child’s emotional life, something linked with more significant resilience and self-regulation. Modeling healthy ways to cope when you feel “big feelings” has the effect of helping a child understand it is okay to experience strong feelings and how to safely manage them.
What if your child is long past preschool age? Martin is quick to reassure: it’s never too late to deepen connection or inspire a love of reading. Relational health experts agree, safe, attuned relationships at any age strengthen emotional intelligence and academic motivation. Even little daily practices-like talking over their day during a snack or unwinding with a read-aloud chapter-can help make it stronger. To parents still in milestone trenches, zooming out is a good thing. Developmental specialists note that though early skills are important to screen potential delay, emphasizing rigid timelines is unnecessary anxiety. Kids grow within a wide “typical” band, and the largest single factor is steady improvement toward greater independence, curiosity, and bonding.
As pediatric occupational therapist Rachel Coley tells us, I don’t want you to be worried, I want you to be curious… Are they showing you signs they’re moving toward that milestone? If they are, they’re doing great they’re just taking their own time with it.
So instead of fixating on how your toddler stacks up, place the emphasis on the daily habits that will serve them well for years to come: making room for slow play, reading together, encouraging self-help skills, and showing them through your own words and actions how to be kind to themselves and others. Those are the milestones that truly do last.
