What happens when a celebrity flips one of the most entrenched romantic traditions on its head? Over the weekend, Bella Thorne did just that getting down on one knee to propose to her fiancé, Mark Emms, two years after he first proposed to her. The intimate at-home moment, complete with candles, flowers, and love balloons, was captured in a merry-go-round of videos and photos she shared with her close to 24 million Instagram fans. In one of the videos, Mark’s expression changes from shock to tears before the two embrace, a matching engagement ring now adorning his finger.
But romance soon became a lightning rod for criticism. There were comments galore some in praise, others sharply critical. One of the most-popular criticisms was, “Ok ladies let’s not normalise this, okay?” Another jeered at it with, “Girl, get up.” Fans, however, saw it as a breath of fresh air regarding equality.
“I think what Bella did here is showing her s/o (& herself) that she believes in equality for their relationship… it doesn’t have to be a one-sided cute proposal,” one fan wrote.
Thorne herself did not seem to care, posting on her Instagram Stories the next day: “The comments on my post are hilarious!! Totally split down the middle. Half of u are like let’s not normalize proposing to your partner other half is like f— yeah girl power this is the sweetest!!” This may on the surface look like nothing more than a celebrity love moment, but it speaks to a much deeper cultural conversation. The tradition of men proposing to women took hold in Western culture in the medieval era, stemming from the code of chivalry and the image of a knight on one knee before his lady. Tracked through the history of marriage proposals, the tradition was initially as much about dowries and family plans as romance.
To date, research shows that the majority of hetero couples who believe their relationships are equal still expect the man to propose.
But modern love tales are redefining the book increasingly. Women proposing to men isn’t new legend like Ireland’s Leap Year custom gave women an odd, sanctioned chance to get down on bended knee but it’s becoming seen and a reason to party. Social shifts towards gender equality, personal empowerment, and against repressive roles leave space for couples to make up their own minds who gets to say “Will you marry me?”
Celebrity moments like Thorne’s can accelerate that transformation. Public figures have been setting relationship norms for decades, from making engagement ring trends to making unmarried living before marriage the norm. When a celebrity openly disregards a traditional norm, it creates a stir and sometimes controversy that ripples far beyond their life.
And then there is representation. Thorne has been candid about being bisexual and her own non-conventional relationships in the past, saying to Gay Times, It’s not a gay or straight box it’s this middle in-between world that nobody can put in a box, which makes them so mad. That need to be outside of those boxes where people can define her is what makes her proposal sound like an extension of that desire. All over the world, proposal customs are remarkably varied, and some of them are not as gendered as the Western case. In some cultures, like with some of the Nordic countries, couples walk down the aisle together as equals. In others, like in parts of Indonesia or Korea, engagement is a group affair involving symbolic exchange rather than a dramatic monologue.
These traditions remind us that there is no single “right” way to celebrate the start of a marriage only that which will come across as authentic to the couple. For couples who take their lead from Thorne’s move, relationship therapists such as Reich often suggest open-ended discussions of proposals well in advance of when they happen. Whether a “dual proposal” where both of them query each other, or a bargain on some other plane that is not necessarily a strict ask, the idea is to settle on what will mean something.
As one sociologist advised in a survey of proposal dynamics, the authority to propose can silently dictate the pace and gravity of a relationship sharing it may be a move toward real partnership. Ultimately, Bella Thorne’s engagement isn’t necessarily about a ring or a viral post. It’s a reminder that love stories are personal, and that doing something different can be just as romantic as following the rules especially if it’s a value that they’re going to bring into their union.
